So much to do – so little time

I haven’t written anything in a while, not here and nor in my sketchbook which I usually use to put down some thoughts when I feel the need to do so.  I was busy dealing with some social situations which I’m not used to,  so it kinda occupied my world  for a while. Trying to organize my life in a totally different direction, because that direction came along by itself and I need to adjust everything according to that new path that I’m about to take. It is a good thing going on, but even if I’m glad about that new twist in my life, I feel kinda scared of the unknown – no, I said it wrong, I’m not scared of the unknown, I have some doubts that I won’t be able to cope with all the new unknown things that are coming my way, and it will happen in very near future and sooner that I can expect. I feel optimistic, I got the chance to form my life completely on my own, like a fresh piece of clay given to you to model something you desire out of it.

My head is raging with ideas and bunch of thoughts twirling inside my skull, the things that I need to do, tasks to finish, people who I need to see, for I’m about to leave everything that I know, everything that I like and dislike, everything that I’m used to, every routine, every face, every sound and every street and replace it with something completely unknown, somewhere far away and not far away at the same time… I feel kinda dizzy of all the planning but this is going to be a good thing, I’m going to make it a good thing…

This sounds like incoherent mumbling, I presume, but when I get my thoughts together, I will write down something that will probably make more sense than this array of random thoughts and sentences. Thank you for reading this.

Now I will enjoy this beautiful sunny day, ’cause my own darkness just stopped pulling me down and I’ll try to clean my head for a change…. 🙂

The spring is coming – I can feel it

Lately, I haven’t been myself exactly. I don’t feel like myself. I keep saying that I need a change. I need to change something, but I don’t know what. All of a sudden, coming from nowhere, with no reason, my feeling are mixed up, my moods are just twirling like pieces of fractal art. I am confused – what’s going on in my head?

But, then it occurred to me – the possible cognition hit me like a train in full speed. The spring is coming! I was born on one beautiful day in May. May is my favorite month of the year, and not because of my birthday, I just love it. I love the warmth that holds you gently, the sun in my hair and everything is so fresh and new. I don’t like summer, though. But I love May. I am convinced that every person somewhere in her gene structure carries the memory of his/her birth, the whole process. And I am convinced that every year, just about the time one’s been born, a person subconsciously goes through that birth process and not knowing it. 

It’s strange, that odd feeling I get every year when winter is turning to spring and when summer is turning to autumn. I just feel that change like it’s going inside of me and not around me. Especially when spring is about to come. The feeling is so intense, I don’t have the words to describe it. Like my inner-self is shook with an earthquake and a tornado at the same time. To least say, I feel like I’m about to catch a cold. 

But I just know it, the spring is coming – and I will be reborn again in two months. And this chaos theory is giving birth to new ideas, new thoughts, opening new horizons, I have new perspective of life. And I want to grab them all at the same time. 

The spring is coming – I can feel it!

I’d change the weather,

I’d change the weather for you now 

I’d change the weather,

I’d get down on my knees and pray for you

Underworld

Have a nice day ’cause above the clouds the sky is still blue 🙂

A walk on a Sunday afternoon

A beautiful day, restless – just like my thoughts

Like wind blowing in all directions

Just the perfect day for a walk with your own thoughts

The voices in my head swarm while I walk half-empty streets

Sunday afternoon.

Nothing interests me.

Just me and my voices, my echoes, my silence

Nothing really matters, really, nothing…

I’m hoping to find – I don’t know what – but I hope I’ll know when I find it…

Faces, people, alone, together…. Holding hands…. The talk…..

Nothing interests me – nothing attracts my attention

Nothing matters

A few drops of rain drove me off of the bench

Stupid decision – there is no rain

I’m smiling, the people are rapidly running away from the streets

The raaain is coming (and there is no rain 🙂 )

I get up of the bench (stupid decision) and move on

I’m smiling….. There are three boys sitting on a short wall, playing guitars on the streets

I look at them and I’m smiling…..

The eyes of other people are catching up with me.. I don’t care… I’m alone with my thoughts

Slowing down my footsteps, listening to melody spreading through the street and still smiling…

The city is weird – so quiet, so still but yet so restless

No sun, no rain, and the light is weird – feels like I’m looking at some other city and not the one I know as I know it

And the looks are following me… What are they thinking about?

Weird? Yes. Nuts? Maybe.

Earphones, me and Underworld – and nothing interests me

I’m looking for new ideas, hoping to find new ideas or they need to find me – who knows?

Step by step… slowly… one foot follows the other, one foot in front of the other….

Somebody stops me – a stranger – a stranger interrupts my silence, interrupts the flow of my thoughts – goddamn – WHY?

He walks by me…. stupid talk …. I’m polite – stupid decision, I just want him gone….. talk again….

He likes me – Why? Number? No. Coffee? No. Tea? I don’t like tea. Date? O God – NO!

My thoughts disappear – my nice and quiet walk has come to an end – I’m running away

Why now? Why today? Why – ever?

And everything was perfect…. I’m walking and smiling

Wind in my face, Underworld in my ears – and nothing matters!

One step by step the streets passing around me…. And I’m still restless…..

Song of the day: Mark Knight & D Ramirez vs. Underworld – Downpipe (Edit)